Straight from The Horse’s Mouth

The shortest distance between two points is a 20 gauge shot gun. Blam! Blam!

Your prey is up there, waaay up there, visible now that the leaves have fallen. Bag it and hang it and your chances of scoring a smooch greatly increase during the holiday season. Of course I'm speaking of the fabled and popular parasitic plant; mistletoe.

For a thousand years eager kissers have positioned themselves beneficially (a zone to linger in or scrupulously avoid, depending on the company) beneath the sprigs. Mistletoe is a fun way to steal a peck on the cheek from unsuspecting loiterers as they wander under the leaves and berries.

But how to gather it? As a youngster I climbed oaks to collect the greenery. I took it home to the suburbs where I sold small bundles for $1.00 a piece. I was too young to understand the kissing part, but climbing trees appealed to me, and thus an entrepreneur was born. My climbing days might be over, but harvesting mistletoe doesn't have to be.

Hunting plants with a shot gun offers it's challenges. A bad shot might blow the sucker to smithereens, a good one and you're in business! Choose a controlled location where shooting is safe. Circle the host tree several times to spot a dense clump. Aim carefully. Squeeze the trigger and watch as your prey whirls to the ground; another sprig bites the dust.

We Texans like our guns. They are an indication of our tenacity and perseverance, not unlike mistletoe. The plant took a position of importance during the Great Depression era, becoming a symbol of determination as it stubbornly thrived. If you can't afford shot gun shells, you could probably hunt mistletoe by throwing things at it, or by shoving a neighbor's kid up the branches.

It's mistletoe season and we still have the right to bear arms. Christmas time is full of traditions and merriment. I hope your aim is high. Be safe. Merry Christmas.