Wendy G. Neyland

Last week, we celebrated Valentine's Day, and whether we like to think about it or not, our pre-teens and teens were busy wooing one another. In today's world, however, wooing takes place on computers and cell phones. The correct term for all of this is "social networking." For some of you parents or grandparents, you may not think much about it because the kids are safe at home, but what do you do to keep your children and grandchildren safe from predators on the internet?

First of all do you know what MySpace and Facebook are? These are places on the internet where people of all ages have pages about themselves. MySpace is generally used amongst the younger crowd and Facebook used to be strictly college-age people, but now it has opened up to a lot of high school students as well. You can chat, look at photos and make comments to people on these websites after they have accepted you as a friend. I personally have accounts with both and enjoy them very much because I can connect with people I haven't seen in years. However, as much fun as it is, a young person could fall prey to those who are up to no good online.

There are more serious issues that occur online: on- line sexual solicitation and cyber-bullying. Online sexual solicitation as defined by the University of Florida Extension is "is a form of sexual harassment that occurs over the internet. Incidents of online sexual solicitation include: exposure to pornography; being asked to discuss sex online and/or do something sexual; or requests to disclose personal information." This can start off very innocently.

University of Florida Extension also notes that studies find that teens at the greatest risk for online sexual solicitation are:

* females between the ages of 14 and 17 years.

* teens with major depressive symptoms and/or who have experienced negative life transitions (moving to a new neighborhood, a death or divorce in their family) are especially vulnerable.

* teens who use the Internet more frequently, for four or more days a week at two or more hours a day.

* teens who engage in high online risk behavior (including cyber-bullying and discussing sex online with strangers).

Cyber-bullying is defined as aggression on a continual basis between peers where one has a power advantage over another, is common among children and adolescents. Cyber-bullying involves using electronic communication to:

* put others down.

* play pranks.

* share personal information publicly

* stalk someone.

* commit other overt attacks upon a person.

Cyber-bullying is very real and is a very serious problem. Teens have taken their own lives as a result of these actions.

The Internet is not a horrible thing. You shouldn't completely keep your kids from it because there is great information out there. Social networking is not bad either, but parents have to take responsibility and keep an eye on their kids' Internet whereabouts. The following research-based tips can help you to keep your teens from being victims or perpetrators of online sexual solicitation and cyber-bullying as recommended by University of Florida Extension:

* Keep computers with Internet access in a centralized location in the home, not in your child's bedroom.

* Educate your teen about potential dangers of online communication and help them to role play effective ways to respond to online sexual solicitation.

* As a parent, you can learn about Internet use from older teens. And, because teens are often more likely to learn from older teens than from their parents you can, in turn, ask those older teens to pass safety information to younger teens.

* Encourage your teen to report incidents of online sexual solicitation or cyberbullying to adults and reinforce their beliefs that action will be taken in response to the event.

* Set a family internet policy. Define the ground rules for internet such as scheduled times, permissible websites, and limiting online communication to familiar peers.

* When setting Internet use rules, consider how vulnerable your child might be to online solicitation/cyberbullying. Base your decision on his or her life circumstances as well as age and stage of development. For example, rules for Internet use for children should be more restrictive than those set for adolescents.

* Encourage your teen to be involved in face-to-face activities as alternatives to interaction on the Internet. Youth who are vulnerable, lonely, and low on social skills are most likely candidates for excessive Internet use, increasing the risk for exposure to cyber-bullying and online sexual solicitation.

* Get access to "parental block" software that protects your child from exploring websites that you find inappropriate. There are many options you can find by simply typing in "Internet parental blocks" in a search engine (for example, Google)

* Check your child's Internet use computer history. (Visit the following website for further information: )

* Because they value privacy, be prepared to detect teens infractions of "family Internet policy" (for example, teens can erase their history of websites visited) and setting appropriate limits and consequences.